Life as a Member of the Jet Set...
It used to be you were part of the Jet Set when you traveled. Flight attendants were stewardesses, beautiful, had cool uniforms and you got some great meals.
Now you are part of some vast herd that must be corralled by the least amount of staff the airlines can legally put on the plane. But the fun usually begins before you even board as you are pushed into lines, given no real instructions, poked, prodded, and felt up, all in the name of national security.
These days with flight attendants freaking out and pilots going nuts, you wonder if you're even going to survive the flight.
I was thinking about this all day yesterday as I was sardined into my 18 inch wide seat for my flights home from Oaxaca, Mexico...
1. When you arrive at the airport and they have a scale waiting for you before you get in line, you know the airlines have decided to take baggage weight limits seriously.
2. US Airlines seem less willing to change your seat than the Mexican Airlines. At least that is true for whatever we are calling United/Continental airline these days. So yes, I was sitting in row 648, seat Q on my trip home.
3. I noticed that one of the benefits of flying United is that they give you complementary seat choice. Seriously, that's a benefit?
4. I left Oaxaca and went through security. I arrived in Houston, passed through security, customs, immigration, and then security again. Can anyone explain to me why, after I was allowed to fly to the states, I have to pass through security again after Immigration allowed me in, even though I stayed in a controlled area?
5. It is never a good sign when the guy across the aisle from you tells his wife he needs the barf bag.
6. More and more people are dressing like they should be part of a Walmart customer photo exhibit. As a general rule, I don't want to see your underwear, ugly feet, or your gut and belly button when I travel, and I'm betting, no one else does, so get dressed before you fly.
7. They've taken almost all of the free snacks away. Now they don't even offer you that bag of 6 pretzels. Of course you can buy it, but it costs $6.99, credit card only.
8. The government has decided that on international flights, you can no longer use the bathroom when you are within an hour of the United States. Supposedly, this cuts down on the possibility of a terrorist doing something untoward in the last hour of a flight. I wonder why no one seems to think he won't just do what ever it is in the last hour and a half?
9. Is all the security really necessary? I mean, could someone explain to me what kind of dumb terrorist is really going to try and pass through security with a bomb these days? Why would they not just blow themselves up in the line of 5000 people waiting to take off their shoes and belts and get X-rayed?
And finally, when I left Oaxaca in the morning, food in a tortilla was called a taco, or burrito, depending on where you were. Somewhere over the US, the same food in a tortilla became a wrap.
Travel can be so confusing...
Want a bonus? Check out Brian Regan's hilarious take on flying...