The Abyss

Henri Nouwen in his book the "Inner Voice of Love" teaches that we have to remain close to our abyss if we want to heal. For him, we will only find healing in our lives if we take the plunge and confront our hurts and fears from closeup, rather than afar. I've been thinking a lot about that this past week. Today I came across a friends blog, Curtis Cafe, and he was talking about the "Fear of Jesus." He essentially asks what keeps us from Jesus. For the person of faith, I think the answer lies in what Nouwen has to say. If Nouwen is calling us to confront our fears to find healing in life, how can we then apply that to our faith lives? For me, this is a tough question. No one in the world knows what I look like inside except me. I am all alone in my knowledge of how ugly my thoughts can be. No one else knows the terrible things I have done in my life. No one knows the shame I sometimes can feel without warning. Not my closest friends. Not my wife. No one. Except Jesus. I think there are a lot of people, myself included, who sometimes miss out on what God has for us in life. Not because we are afraid He'll learn about our struggles and imperfections. But because He already knows and we'd prefer to keep those things just to ourselves rather than face the abyss. Some days it is just easier.