There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

The other day I was in a restaurant with my mother-in-law. Yeah, I know but she offered to pay so I rolled with it. As we were looking at the menu everyone at the table noticed something horrible under every item. The damn calorie counts! I don't think anything can spoil a lunch with your mother-in-law quicker than to see how many stinking calories you are gonna be eating for free. It kinda takes the fun out of the afternoon. Seriously, about the only thing under 8500 calories on the menu was the 4 ounce fish filet boiled in lemon water and served on a bed of lettuce. Who wants that? I went in for lunch, not an appetizer. Just looking over the menu was depressing. Are you aware that a hamburger is something like 1250 calories if you get the fries? After my three egg breakfast, sausage, hash browns and toast, 1250 more calories would mean I'd have to skip the ribs for dinner and eat a salad. Even the free bread is not free... 450 calories, per roll! Must be the butter that is dripping off of it. Anyways, a friend of mine passed this on to me a while back and for those of you who like to watch what you eat, it has some sage advice on nutrition and health. If you are like me, I am sure you can appreciate the simple clarity that comes from this list. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. By the way... I am actually pretty lucky... my mother-in-law is a jewel!